1.21.2014

i juan to know your greatest fears

The big winner of the week was Team Jon with 70 points and the big loser was Team Derek who scored 0 points.  Team Ryan & Team Katie are now the only two teams that remain fully in tact! 

Cassandra had the first one-on-one and it really got me wondering how long it's been since she's had a first date..anyone catch that?  They went in pretty much a jeep that cassandra said reminded her of a jeep.  Then Juan Pablo drove into the water and they cruised in their jeep boat. They had a kiss during the little boat/jeep/yacht/swimming part of the date which avoided cassandra getting the -20 pts. They then went to JP's house and looked at pics that caMEla drew and a few pics of Trey. Jp said "he's so biiiiig!" He does know Trey's dad is an NBA player, right? Juan Pablo revealed to Cassandra that his greatest fear is hurting people. And Cassandra's greatest fear is getting hurt. Hmm.

Anyway, cassandra scored 0 pts.

The group date happened next and everyone except chelsie and elise went on it.  The girls played soccer and Sharleen got hit in the face and fell down a few times.  We had out fingers crossed she'd need medical attention after the 3rd time but no such luck!

At some point Alli tells us she's ready to be a mom (5 pts, Team Ryan and Team Katie).

The girls each have one-on-one time with JP around various parts of the stadium…..the kitchen of a food vendor, middle of the field, etc. Not a lot of action except for the very uncomfortable kiss with Sharleen.

Elise bad mouthed Chelsie for getting chosen for the second one-on-one date.  She just thinks chelsie is such a little girl and isn't ready to be a mother.  She does her complaining to the camera as well as cassandra who is 3 years YOUNGER than chelsie even is. Unfortunately, all the gossip did not contain right reasons/wrong reasons or warning JP about her (yet) so no points for Elise. (Sidenote: Kelly & Eric went the extra mile and found out the controversial video Elise was in…something about yuletide hotties and roasting marshmallows in bikinis. lol.)

The one-on-one with Chelsie was any girl's dream date: bungee jumping. There always seems to be a 'conquering your fears' theme in the early one-on-one dates and this was no different. She was excited for the "adventure" (5 pts, Team Jon and Team Christa) she cried (10 pts) because she didn't want to do it but then she did it anyway because she was reassured JP would keep her safe since he gave her the option to back-out (huh?). There was one bleep (5 pts) followed by the grand finale of 5 more bleeps for a total of 45 pts for Chelsie. They shared an upside down kiss to avoid the -20 penalty. JP also revealed his greatest fear...which was not the same as his greatest fear he told Cassandra. I meant to go back and listen to what he said, but let's be honest, none of us really care. 

During the canceled cocktail-party-turned-pool-party, Sharleen cried (5 pts, Team Eric and Team Kelly) before she secretively kissed JP. Clare had a minor freak out and got pts for one bleep and three cries (35 pts Team Ryan and Team Katie)

Lucy and Christy both cried as they said adios scoring 10 pts for Eric & Christa, Jon & Megan. And Andi was bleeped three times (Team Jon and Team Kelly)

Things to think about before next week's episode:
  • Is Kelly the dog lover's eye... a. lazy b. crazy c. both 
  • Does Clare look more like…. Jan from the office or Penny from Big Bang Theory?  
  • Is Chelsie actually Chloe from 24
  • Will Elise warn JP that someones not there for the right reasons?!!? 
  • Does Kat really act differently around the cameras?
  • How many pairs of Toms can Chelsie wear in one episode?

Current ranking:
1. Derek (110 pts)
2. Jon (80 pts)
3. Ryan (65 pts)
4. Eric (20 pts)

1. Kelly (115 pts)
2. Christa (75 pts)
3. Katie (60 pts) 
4. Megan (25 pts)



1.15.2014

some juan goes cray

Team Kelly was the big winner AND big loser for this week piling on 90 pts but losing 2 of her 4 players.  Oh yeah, and Derek (current championship belt holder) scored 110 pts and is down 1 player.  Full rank is at the bottom. 

For those of you who didn't watch (HA!), here's a teensy recap..

Clare got the juan-on-juan date and was whisked off to a winter wonderland in LA. She scored a few points, but mainly this date was a snooze fest.  Luckily there was a hot tub which got her 10 pts. And she kissed JP so she avoided the crappy date penalty of -20.  She said adventure once and journey once which racked up a whopping 5 pts a piece for a total of 20 pts for Team Ryan and Team Katie.  Too bad there's no pts for wearing a bikini with a winter coat, Clare.

Also there was a private concert by someone we've never heard of (who's surprised?).

Kat also got a juan-on-juan and wondered if JP would take her somewhere private and romantic like....new york city. PLEASE. She also said she could get used to JP private jetting her off on surprise trips....something tells me she's not connecting the dots that JP is a.) not planning or paying for the dates and b.) NOT PLANNING OR PAYING FOR THE DATES.

(I do still think she's the prettiest.)

Not sure about the rest of the world but if a private jet picked me up to take me to a surprise destination, there would be major disappointment finding out it was to run a 5K in utah. He had a dumb outfit he made her wear and they danced/walked/jogged/woohoo-ed for the whole thing.  (I'd be pissed if I paid $55 to walk a 5k in the dark behind juan pablo and a mystery girl.) Then they danced on stage until JP yelled into the mic "DO YOU ESS-EPT THEESE ROSE?" She gave him a kiss on the cheek which got her to avoid the crappy date penalty -20 (there was debate about this but we decided a cheek kiss counted).  All this work and Team Ryan and Team Megan only picked up 5 pts when Kat declared she can see herself FALLING for JP.

The group date is next and to be honest, I don't even want to relive one second of it because it was SO DUMB. So I'm just going to provide the rest of the breakdown...


  • Andi scored 10 pts for mentioning the 'adventura' twice (Team Jon and Team Kelly)
  • Kelly scored 10 pts for being bleeped twice....but I was more interested in her lazy eye than what she was talking about (Team Derek and Team Megan)
  • Cassandra revealed she has a son and she misses him and gave us two scenes of crying scoring 20 pts (Team Derek and Team Christa)
  • The star of this episode, Victoria, hit a grand slam for Team Derek and Team Kelly by giving them 2 bleeps, 2 cries, and then 6 more bleeps before being asked to leave the show outside of the rose ceremony for a total of 80 pts. Git it, girl! She's not even on my team and I was wanting more. Sorry to see you go, Victoria, but I see Bachelor Pad in your near future. Hopefully this is a scene for Women Tell All to double up on that jackpot of Brazilian crazy-ness. 

Chantal (undrafted) and Amy L (cable 12 news reporter, Team Jon and Team Kelly) left the show along with Victoria (Team Derek and Team Kelly).


Current ranking:
1. Derek (110 pts)
2. Ryan (25 pts)
3. Jon (10 pts)
4. Eric (0 pts)

1. Kelly (90 pts)
2. Katie (20 pts)
2. Christa (20 pts)
4. Megan (15 pts)

PS, Derek heard through the rumor mill at work that Elise is NOT the innocent first grade teacher we thought she was.  I am too lazy to confirm but just throwing it out there that she MAY NOT BE HERE FOR THE RIGHT REASONS!

1.07.2014

Team Breakdowns

Team Derek
1. Nikki
2. Cassandra
3. Victoria
4. Kelly

Team Eric
1. Sharleen
2. Lucy
3. Elise
4. Danielle

Team Ryan
1. Clare
2. Renee
3. Kat
4. Alli

Team Jon
1. Andi
2. Chelsie
3. Christy
4. Amy L.

*Undrafted:
Chantel
Lauren S
-----------------------------------------------------------
Team Katie
1. Clare
2. Alli
3. Elise
4. Danielle

Team Kelly
1. Andi
2. Sharleen
3. Amy L.
4. Victoria

Team Megan
1. Nikki
2. Kat
3. Christy
4. Kelly

Team Christa
1. Renee
2. Chelsie
3. Cassandra
4. Lucy

*Undrafted:
Chantel
Lauren S.


juan to place any bets?

McCloud Reality TV Fantasy League: Juan Pablo Edition

Here's a recap of how things will play out.

DRAFT
1. Draft is tonight! 8:30pm! The men will draft together and the sisters will draft together.  
2. Draft order will be selected via random.org at 8:29pm.
3. Draft will be a snake draft....1,2,3,4,4,3,2,1..
4. There are 18 girls so teams will draft until each team has 4 girls. 


Remaining Ladies....(Full Bios)

First impression rose Sharleen 
Pregnant "DVD from the Beyond" Clare
Nurse Nikki
Single Momma Renee
Mock Prosecutor Andi
Soccer Nanny Alli
"Every Season Has to Have a Chantel" Chantel
Piano Biker Lauren S
Dog Lover Kelly
Former NBA dancer and "Makeup Artist" Cassandra
"No Crazy" Psych Nurse Danielle
Over-the-Top Archenemy Chelsie
Scottsdale's Salsa Dancing Kat
"Language of Love" Brazilian Victoria
Simply Gorgeous Christy
Homeless Free Spirit Lucy
First-Grade Teacher Elise
And the final rose goes to ... News Reporter Amy L 

SCORING
1. Scoring starts in episode 2 (Monday 1/13)
2. Derek and I will keep score as we watch.  I'll post it on here within a day or two. 
3. Here is the breakdown of scoring:

What/Example
Clarification
Points
"I'm not here to make friends!"
Must. Be. Exact. Words.
5
“She’s not here for the right reasons.”
Must use the words “right reasons” or “wrong reasons.” Can be referring to another girl or to herself.
5
"I'm ready to be a mom/ready for kids."
ANY reference to becoming parents, having children, getting pregnant, raising a family or similar (one conversation that includes this topic = one score) (to JP or to camera)
5
"I'm falling for Juan Pablo!"
Must use the word fall/falling/fallen
5
"I feel like a princess!"
Must reference princess, prince or fairytale
5
"She's a bleepin' bleep!"
Bleeped by ABC, Each independent bleep counts as a separate instance.
5
"I can't wait to start this journey to find love."
Must use the word "journey" OR "adventure"
5
Crying
On camera tears
10
Warning Juan Pablo about another girl
Must be in a convo with Juan Pablo
10
Hot tub
Girl must be in hot tub with Juan Pablo with NO. OTHER. GIRLS.
10
Kissing in a vehicle
Must include kissing (more than a single peck) inside a vehicle.  The vehicle does not have to be moving at the time, but both Juan Pablo & girl must be inside of a car, truck, boat, plane, helicopter or other open/enclosed transportation of some sort.
10
Medical emergency
Requiring attention from the show's medic or an outside medical agency, paramedics/EMT, or doctor of any kind due to illness or injury (one incident=one score)
20
Leaving the show or asked to leave the show
Must be outside of the rose ceremony.  Can be voluntarily or can be asked to leave by Juan Pablo, Chris, or the producers.
20
2 handed shove backwards, slap, punch, trip, kick or head butt
Must include aggressive physical contact done in an attempt to physically intimidate or injure another girl. (Only the bully gets pts, not the victim.)
20
Referencing an old boyfriend/old relationship
Can be to Juan Pablo, other girls or to the camera
-10
Crappy date
Alone time on a date with Juan Pablo (one-on-one or two-on-one) that does not have any kiss. This does NOT include group dates.
-20
I love you!
Must be spoken TO Juan Pablo & include use of all 3 words "I" + "love" + "you" in that order. Cannot be interrupted by extra words. POINTS: "I love you so much", NO POINTS: "I think I love you" or "I am in love with you"
30
Winner!
Awarded to the last girl standing regardless of whether he proposes
30


4. Only the actual time something happens will count UNTIL...
5. Women Tell All episode AND the finale.  In both these episodes, any teasers, replays, reflections, etc. will count.


WINNER
1. Husband/Wife final pts will be added together after the final rose.
2. The winning COUPLE (total added points) will win $75 ($25 from each losing couple.
3. No prize for the individual winner