alls well that ends well

And the winner is………Team Smith. Congrats! You won the worst season of the Bachelor!

SMITH: 1035

SAEZ: 905
ADAMCZYK: 820
HOWARD: 775

Clare & Nikki each scored 100 points (s/o to derek for scoring).

Final scoring:
1. Ryan (690 pts)

2. Derek (430 pts)

3. Eric (335 pts)
4. Jon (315 pts)

1. Kelly (570 pts)
2. Katie (460 pts)

3. Christa (390 pts)
4. Megan (345 pts)

Is anyone interested in playing again for Andi's season?  Think about and we will see who's interested sometime in early May.  Premiere is May 19th! I will also try to document what worked/didn't work points wise so if you have suggestions for changes/new categories - comment here or something so we can add it.

(Give/Send $25 to Ryan or Megan soonish.)

ess almost over!

SAEZ: 905
SMITH: 835
ADAMCZYK: 720
HOWARD: 675

WOMEN TELL ALL

Renee: fallen x2 (10), parenting x4 (20), cry x3 (30) - Ryan/Christa
Andi: crying (10), falling (5), right reasons (5) - Jon/Kelly

Clare: fallen (5), fairytale x2 (10), cry (10) - Ryan/Katie
Sharleen: boat kiss x4 (40), fall (5), cry x4 (40) - Eric/Kelly

Cassandra: parenting (5) - Derek/Christa

Nikki: cry (10) - Derek/Megan
Kelly: cry (10) - Derek/Megan

*NOTE: the preview of the finale counted because "anything counts!" was the rule.  Same rule will go for the actual finale (meaning those who have Clare & Nikki may score big).  No points for the "after the rose ceremony." SO, although Kelly/Eric seem to be running away with it, they are out of players as are Jon and me. Things are looking good for the Smiths as long as Clare and/or Nikki have a few cries, bleeps and I love yous in store for this Monday….  

Current ranking:
1. Ryan (590 pts)

2. Eric (335 pts)
3. Derek (330 pts)
4. Jon (315 pts)

1. Kelly (570 pts)
2. Christa (390 pts)
3. Katie (360 pts)
5. Megan (245 pts)

ess okay

SMITH:730
SAEZ: 710
ADAMCZYK: 630
HOWARD: 630

HOMETOWNS

Nikki: falling (5) - Derek/Megan
Clare: crying x2 (20)- Ryan/Katie
Renee: crying x9 (90), falling x2 (10), parenting (5) - Ryan/Christa
Andi: crying (10), falling x3 (15) - Jon/Kelly

FANTASY SUITE

Nikki: i love you (30) falling (5) - Derek/Megan
Clare:falling x6 (30), journey (5), hot tub kiss (10), parenting (5) - Ryan/Katie
Andi: crying x3 (30), car kissing (10), falling (5), Bleep x3 (15), parenting (5), leaving untraditionally (20) - Jon/Kelly


Current ranking:
1. Ryan (505 pts)
2. Derek (305 pts)

3. Jon (295 pts)
4. Eric (250 pts)

1. Kelly (460 pts)
2. Katie (335 pts)
3. Christa (325 pts)
4. Megan (225 pts)

I juan this season to be over!

So I think the biggest question I have is…who HASN'T read spoilers?? Anyone? Anyone?  Luckily with everything and anything counting on Women Tell All and the Finale, there is still a shot for anyone to win at this point. We have hometown dates and fantasy suites this week and I have my fingers crossed someone gets the "i love you" 30 points in one or both of these episodes…we've waited long enough!  Of course you love JP by now, Ladies!

Eric is teamless and everyone else is down to 1 player with the exception of Ryan.  (But let's be honest, Renee's hardly worth having.  I can say that because she's on my team and is good for nothin'.)

SAEZ: 600
SMITH:515
ADAMCZYK: 485
HOWARD: 450

Nikki: falling x2 (10), parenting (5), 4 bleeps (20) - Derek/Megan
Sharleen: kiss in vehicle x2 (20), parenting (5), crying x5 (50), Leaving outside of the rose ceremony (20) - Eric/Kelly
Clare: crying (10) bleeps x8 (40) - Ryan/Katie
Renee: crying (10) - Ryan/Christa
Andi: crying (10) - Jon/Kelly
Chelsie: crying x7 (70) Jon/Christa

Current ranking:
1. Ryan (330 pts)
2. Derek (265 pts)
3. Eric (250 pts)
4. Jon (185 pts)

1. Kelly (350 pts)
2. Katie (265 pts)
3. Christa (220 pts)
4. Megan (185 pts)

some juan wears a juan-piece (swimsuit)

Boo hoo, the Howards had an OFF week with Jon coming in with -5 and Katie 5.  Everyone else was neck and neck putting the Smiths in the lead……….for now.  Megan, Katie, Derek and Eric are all down to ONE person a piece.  

SMITH:420
SAEZ: 400
ADAMCZYK: 370
HOWARD: 320

[insert recap here….oops, I waited too long and don't remember anything other than Andi's one-piece swimsuit]

Luckily, if you need a refresher, there are about 8 million bloggers that recap it every week. I haven't read this, but it's the first that popped up in google so it MUST be good. 

Scoring breakdown
Nikki: Kiss in moving vehicle (10) Team Derek/Team Megan
Cassandra: fairytale (5), parenting (5), Crying (30), leaving outside of a rose ceremony (20) Team Derek/Team Christa
Sharleen: bleep (5), crying (50) Team Eric/Team Kelly
Clare: parenting (5) Team Ryan/Team Katie
Renee: parenting (5), crying (10) Team Ryan/Team Christa
Andi: parenting (5) Team Jon/Team Kelly
Chelsie: past relationship (-10) Team Jon/Team Christa
Kat: fairytale (5), fall (5), parenting (5), crying (40) Team Ryan/Team Megan

Current ranking:
1. Ryan (270 pts)
2. Derek (230 pts)
3. Eric (155 pts)
4. Jon (105 pts)

1. Kelly (245 pts)
2. Katie (215 pts)
3. Megan (150 pts)
4. Christa (140 pts)

i juan to be a good role model…sometimes

The BIG winners this week were….Katie (105 points) and Ryan (95 points) who both DOUBLED THEIR POINTS and took over the leads.  Katie/Jon are the current power couple with their scores totaled together. Interestingly enough, our current couple rank is in age order.. :( Eric's got all his eggs in one basket now (Sharleen) and although I have 3 baskets, I have had zero eggs to put in them for two weeks in a row.

This week the journey to find love led us to Vietnam.  The producers definitely cranked it up a notch (or 10) from the last few weeks because wow wow WOW WOW. Lots of action. ;) 

The first juan-on-one is with Renee, the single mom who is desperate for a kiss. Instead, she gets…..a souvenir hat for Ben. 

Technically she got no kiss except for a peck on the cheek so technically she should have received -20 points BUT we counted the kiss on the cheek for Kat's date so followed suit with this one. She did however reference her ex which resulted in -10 anyway. Way to go Renee!

The group date included all except Nee-key da nurse, much to Andi's dismay who wanted a one-on-one "everyday and twice on sunday!" or something like that.  They started out paddle boating in little bamboo cups, two by two.  Clare didn't have any friends so she had to go with JP who kissed her behind some weeds - didn't he listen to Sean's #1 piece of advice?! No kissing in front of other ladies?! 

Back on land, they start working in this guy's garden (who provided hats and baskets) and picked vegetables.  Cassandra thinks America should have something like this! (a farm!?) Andi confronts JP about making her go on another group date. JP tells her to trust him which seemed to shut her up. 

The nighttime part of the dinner was basically the Clare show. She got the first one-on-one time and the rose. A few other ladies got sloppy seconds, thirds and….fourths? I lost count. 

Clare tried to continue the spark post-date with sneaking to JP's suite to invite him to swim in a warm water ocean. Juan Pablo says “the waves were wild and we got a little wild, too.” Clare wanted a special moment, so she let go of all her fears (and dignity) and “went for it” and it was "pure bliss." Based on this commentary, we can't be positive how wild things got, but if Camila becomes a big sis in 2014 our assumptions will be confirmed.

The one-on-one with Nikki was hell on earth and she got bleeped a few times.  JP seemed uninterested in her and the date. The nighttime portion felt more like she was in a job interview...yet she still managed to get the rose and a few besos.

At the cocktail party, Clare gives a toast to finding love, being loved and making love. lol.

Renee finally gets her kiss but only because she was talking too much and said Ben would understand. "He's 8, he gets it. He knows why I'm here."

JP has regrets about what he and Clare did because it wasn't fair to the other girls and disrespected camila (again…is she watching?). He tells Clare this and she gets angry/embarrassed/has allergic reactions. 

JP sends the three girls he hasn't kissed home: Alli, Kelly, and Danielle.  Alli and Kelly both gave us some cries, but we saw zero.emotion.from.robot.danielle.

Scoring breakdown:
Nikki: 4 bleeps (20), 3 fallings (15), 1 parenting (5), and 1 mention of an ex (-10).  Team Derek and Team Megan
Kelly: Cry (10)  Team Derek and Team Megan
Sharleen: 4 Cries (40..VERY upset about Kelly leaving apparently) Team Eric and Team Kelly
Clare: Kissing in vehicle (10), Fall (5), 6 Cries (60) Team Ryan and Team Katie
Renee: Mentioned ex (-10) Team Ryan and Team Christa
Alli: 3 Cries (30) Team Ryan and Team Katie
Andi: Journey (5), Bleep (5) Team Jon and Team Kelly
Chelsie: Cry (10) Team Jon and Team Christa


Current ranking:
1. Ryan (185 pts)
2. Derek (160 pts)
3. Jon (110 pts)
4. Eric (100 pts)

1. Katie (210 pts)
2. Kelly (185 pts)
3. Megan (85 pts)
4. Christa (75 pts)

who juans to find their seoul mate?

(oops, a little delayed. sorry.)

There were no BIG winners this week….but if we are going by points (which duh, we are) Katie scored 45 and Eric scored 40.  The loser of the week is yours truly…no points. :(

The ladies pretended to be excited for south korea screaming something about "I don't even have a kimono!" The clue on the group date card said Pop! so naturally they guessed the date had something to do with gum or popcorn..

The date actually had them as back-up dancers for k-pop group 2ne1 at a mall. The focus was on Negative Nikki and how bad of a dancer she is and Konceited Kat (see what I did there?) and how good of a dancer she thinks she is. (Anyone else notice/care how little time was spent on Cassandra the NBA dancer's dancing?)  Nikki wanted to crap her pants and perform for the south korean school of the blind. She also said she doesn't have sisters so she's not used to sharing….ok. During the 'performance' everyone just jumped around while Kat seizured.

Sharleen got the one-on-one date and she sang for JP, told him that he is not bland and somewhat told JP she's not ready for/wanting kids….kind of. I think we are all fairly confident in saying a. she's never seen the show b. she shouldn't be on the show and c. I'm really glad she's on the show.  There was some more awkward kissing after she sang…kissing=lip biting. (remind me to cover my eyes during any future JP/Sharleen kisses please!) but bottom [lip] line is she avoided the -20 deduction for this kiss. She also told us post-date that "there is a shot we could fall in love."

The other group date was full of excitement too….. karaoke in a tiny conference room (no english words so they all just jumped around), korean street food, paddle boats and Dr. Fish Zone.  Clare cried when she was peer pressured (complete with a slow chant initiated by JP) into eating octopus. The night portion of the date had JP refusing to kiss THREE of the girls!  Renee, Andi and Lauren.  Something about being a bad role model to camila….is she watching this show?  You're right, anything over 6 is too much kissing. Clare then told him that she threw up in her mouth but swallowed it….so then JP talked about how sexy her mouth is and kissed her. Nikki told JP she's good at changing diapers - she knows Camila is 4 right? 

Here's what we learned during the rose ceremony: Nikki and Clare hate each other. Nikki hates Kat. Kelly and Andi made fun of Clare so probably hate her. Danielle had her first speaking moment of the season (week 4!!!!) and Elise & Lauren S. were sent a-packing.

For your reference, here's the scoring that happened….
Nikki: Mom(5) , falling for JP (5) - Team Derek & Team Megan
Sharleen: Discussing readiness for kids (5), could fall for JP (5) - Team Eric & Team Kelly
Elise: Mom(5), Mom (5), Cry (10), Cry (10) - Team Eric & Team Katie
Clare: Cry (10) Fall (5) - Team Ryan & Team Katie
Kat: Cry (10) - Team Ryan & Team Megan
Andi: Journey (5), Bleep (5) - Team Jon & Team Kelly


Current ranking:
1. Derek (120 pts)
2. Jon (90 pts)
2. Ryan (90 pts)
4. Eric (60 pts)

1. Kelly (135 pts)
2. Katie (105 pts) 
3. Christa (75 pts)
4. Megan (45 pts)

i juan to know your greatest fears

The big winner of the week was Team Jon with 70 points and the big loser was Team Derek who scored 0 points.  Team Ryan & Team Katie are now the only two teams that remain fully in tact! 

Cassandra had the first one-on-one and it really got me wondering how long it's been since she's had a first date..anyone catch that?  They went in pretty much a jeep that cassandra said reminded her of a jeep.  Then Juan Pablo drove into the water and they cruised in their jeep boat. They had a kiss during the little boat/jeep/yacht/swimming part of the date which avoided cassandra getting the -20 pts. They then went to JP's house and looked at pics that caMEla drew and a few pics of Trey. Jp said "he's so biiiiig!" He does know Trey's dad is an NBA player, right? Juan Pablo revealed to Cassandra that his greatest fear is hurting people. And Cassandra's greatest fear is getting hurt. Hmm.

Anyway, cassandra scored 0 pts.

The group date happened next and everyone except chelsie and elise went on it.  The girls played soccer and Sharleen got hit in the face and fell down a few times.  We had out fingers crossed she'd need medical attention after the 3rd time but no such luck!

At some point Alli tells us she's ready to be a mom (5 pts, Team Ryan and Team Katie).

The girls each have one-on-one time with JP around various parts of the stadium…..the kitchen of a food vendor, middle of the field, etc. Not a lot of action except for the very uncomfortable kiss with Sharleen.

Elise bad mouthed Chelsie for getting chosen for the second one-on-one date.  She just thinks chelsie is such a little girl and isn't ready to be a mother.  She does her complaining to the camera as well as cassandra who is 3 years YOUNGER than chelsie even is. Unfortunately, all the gossip did not contain right reasons/wrong reasons or warning JP about her (yet) so no points for Elise. (Sidenote: Kelly & Eric went the extra mile and found out the controversial video Elise was in…something about yuletide hotties and roasting marshmallows in bikinis. lol.)

The one-on-one with Chelsie was any girl's dream date: bungee jumping. There always seems to be a 'conquering your fears' theme in the early one-on-one dates and this was no different. She was excited for the "adventure" (5 pts, Team Jon and Team Christa) she cried (10 pts) because she didn't want to do it but then she did it anyway because she was reassured JP would keep her safe since he gave her the option to back-out (huh?). There was one bleep (5 pts) followed by the grand finale of 5 more bleeps for a total of 45 pts for Chelsie. They shared an upside down kiss to avoid the -20 penalty. JP also revealed his greatest fear...which was not the same as his greatest fear he told Cassandra. I meant to go back and listen to what he said, but let's be honest, none of us really care. 

During the canceled cocktail-party-turned-pool-party, Sharleen cried (5 pts, Team Eric and Team Kelly) before she secretively kissed JP. Clare had a minor freak out and got pts for one bleep and three cries (35 pts Team Ryan and Team Katie)

Lucy and Christy both cried as they said adios scoring 10 pts for Eric & Christa, Jon & Megan. And Andi was bleeped three times (Team Jon and Team Kelly)

Things to think about before next week's episode:

• Is Kelly the dog lover's eye... a. lazy b. crazy c. both 
• Does Clare look more like…. Jan from the office or Penny from Big Bang Theory?  
• Is Chelsie actually Chloe from 24? 
• Will Elise warn JP that someones not there for the right reasons?!!? 
• Does Kat really act differently around the cameras?
• How many pairs of Toms can Chelsie wear in one episode?

Current ranking:
1. Derek (110 pts)
2. Jon (80 pts)
3. Ryan (65 pts)
4. Eric (20 pts)

1. Kelly (115 pts)
2. Christa (75 pts)
3. Katie (60 pts) 
4. Megan (25 pts)

some juan goes cray

Team Kelly was the big winner AND big loser for this week piling on 90 pts but losing 2 of her 4 players.  Oh yeah, and Derek (current championship belt holder) scored 110 pts and is down 1 player.  Full rank is at the bottom. 

For those of you who didn't watch (HA!), here's a teensy recap..

Clare got the juan-on-juan date and was whisked off to a winter wonderland in LA. She scored a few points, but mainly this date was a snooze fest.  Luckily there was a hot tub which got her 10 pts. And she kissed JP so she avoided the crappy date penalty of -20.  She said adventure once and journey once which racked up a whopping 5 pts a piece for a total of 20 pts for Team Ryan and Team Katie.  Too bad there's no pts for wearing a bikini with a winter coat, Clare.

Also there was a private concert by someone we've never heard of (who's surprised?).

Kat also got a juan-on-juan and wondered if JP would take her somewhere private and romantic like....new york city. PLEASE. She also said she could get used to JP private jetting her off on surprise trips....something tells me she's not connecting the dots that JP is a.) not planning or paying for the dates and b.) NOT PLANNING OR PAYING FOR THE DATES.

(I do still think she's the prettiest.)

Not sure about the rest of the world but if a private jet picked me up to take me to a surprise destination, there would be major disappointment finding out it was to run a 5K in utah. He had a dumb outfit he made her wear and they danced/walked/jogged/woohoo-ed for the whole thing.  (I'd be pissed if I paid $55 to walk a 5k in the dark behind juan pablo and a mystery girl.) Then they danced on stage until JP yelled into the mic "DO YOU ESS-EPT THEESE ROSE?" She gave him a kiss on the cheek which got her to avoid the crappy date penalty -20 (there was debate about this but we decided a cheek kiss counted).  All this work and Team Ryan and Team Megan only picked up 5 pts when Kat declared she can see herself FALLING for JP.

The group date is next and to be honest, I don't even want to relive one second of it because it was SO DUMB. So I'm just going to provide the rest of the breakdown...

• Andi scored 10 pts for mentioning the 'adventura' twice (Team Jon and Team Kelly)
• Kelly scored 10 pts for being bleeped twice....but I was more interested in her lazy eye than what she was talking about (Team Derek and Team Megan)
• Cassandra revealed she has a son and she misses him and gave us two scenes of crying scoring 20 pts (Team Derek and Team Christa)
• The star of this episode, Victoria, hit a grand slam for Team Derek and Team Kelly by giving them 2 bleeps, 2 cries, and then 6 more bleeps before being asked to leave the show outside of the rose ceremony for a total of 80 pts. Git it, girl! She's not even on my team and I was wanting more. Sorry to see you go, Victoria, but I see Bachelor Pad in your near future. Hopefully this is a scene for Women Tell All to double up on that jackpot of Brazilian crazy-ness. 

Chantal (undrafted) and Amy L (cable 12 news reporter, Team Jon and Team Kelly) left the show along with Victoria (Team Derek and Team Kelly).


Current ranking:
1. Derek (110 pts)
2. Ryan (25 pts)
3. Jon (10 pts)
4. Eric (0 pts)

1. Kelly (90 pts)
2. Katie (20 pts)
2. Christa (20 pts)
4. Megan (15 pts)

PS, Derek heard through the rumor mill at work that Elise is NOT the innocent first grade teacher we thought she was.  I am too lazy to confirm but just throwing it out there that she MAY NOT BE HERE FOR THE RIGHT REASONS!

Team Breakdowns

Team Derek
1. Nikki
2. Cassandra
3. Victoria
4. Kelly

Team Eric
1. Sharleen
2. Lucy
3. Elise
4. Danielle

Team Ryan
1. Clare
2. Renee
3. Kat
4. Alli

Team Jon
1. Andi
2. Chelsie
3. Christy
4. Amy L.

*Undrafted:
Chantel
Lauren S
-----------------------------------------------------------
Team Katie
1. Clare
2. Alli
3. Elise
4. Danielle

Team Kelly
1. Andi
2. Sharleen
3. Amy L.
4. Victoria

Team Megan
1. Nikki
2. Kat
3. Christy
4. Kelly

Team Christa
1. Renee
2. Chelsie
3. Cassandra
4. Lucy

*Undrafted:
Chantel
Lauren S.

juan to place any bets?

McCloud Reality TV Fantasy League: Juan Pablo Edition

Here's a recap of how things will play out.

DRAFT
1. Draft is tonight! 8:30pm! The men will draft together and the sisters will draft together.  
2. Draft order will be selected via random.org at 8:29pm.
3. Draft will be a snake draft....1,2,3,4,4,3,2,1..
4. There are 18 girls so teams will draft until each team has 4 girls. 

Remaining Ladies....(Full Bios)

First impression rose Sharleen 

Pregnant "DVD from the Beyond" Clare

Nurse Nikki

Single Momma Renee

Mock Prosecutor Andi

Soccer Nanny Alli

"Every Season Has to Have a Chantel" Chantel

Piano Biker Lauren S

Dog Lover Kelly

Former NBA dancer and "Makeup Artist" Cassandra

"No Crazy" Psych Nurse Danielle

Over-the-Top Archenemy Chelsie

Scottsdale's Salsa Dancing Kat

"Language of Love" Brazilian Victoria

Simply Gorgeous Christy

Homeless Free Spirit Lucy

First-Grade Teacher Elise

And the final rose goes to ... News Reporter Amy L 

SCORING

1. Scoring starts in episode 2 (Monday 1/13)

2. Derek and I will keep score as we watch.  I'll post it on here within a day or two. 

3. Here is the breakdown of scoring:

What/Example	Clarification	Points
"I'm not here to make friends!"	Must. Be. Exact. Words.	5
“She’s not here for the right reasons.”	Must use the words “right reasons” or “wrong reasons.” Can be referring to another girl or to herself.	5
"I'm ready to be a mom/ready for kids."	ANY reference to becoming parents, having children, getting pregnant, raising a family or similar (one conversation that includes this topic = one score) (to JP or to camera)	5
"I'm falling for Juan Pablo!"	Must use the word fall/falling/fallen	5
"I feel like a princess!"	Must reference princess, prince or fairytale	5
"She's a bleepin' bleep!"	Bleeped by ABC, Each independent bleep counts as a separate instance.	5
"I can't wait to start this journey to find love."	Must use the word "journey" OR "adventure"	5
Crying	On camera tears	10
Warning Juan Pablo about another girl	Must be in a convo with Juan Pablo	10
Hot tub	Girl must be in hot tub with Juan Pablo with NO. OTHER. GIRLS.	10
Kissing in a vehicle	Must include kissing (more than a single peck) inside a vehicle.  The vehicle does not have to be moving at the time, but both Juan Pablo & girl must be inside of a car, truck, boat, plane, helicopter or other open/enclosed transportation of some sort.	10
Medical emergency	Requiring attention from the show's medic or an outside medical agency, paramedics/EMT, or doctor of any kind due to illness or injury (one incident=one score)	20
Leaving the show or asked to leave the show	Must be outside of the rose ceremony.  Can be voluntarily or can be asked to leave by Juan Pablo, Chris, or the producers.	20
2 handed shove backwards, slap, punch, trip, kick or head butt	Must include aggressive physical contact done in an attempt to physically intimidate or injure another girl. (Only the bully gets pts, not the victim.)	20
Referencing an old boyfriend/old relationship	Can be to Juan Pablo, other girls or to the camera	-10
Crappy date	Alone time on a date with Juan Pablo (one-on-one or two-on-one) that does not have any kiss. This does NOT include group dates.	-20
I love you!	Must be spoken TO Juan Pablo & include use of all 3 words "I" + "love" + "you" in that order. Cannot be interrupted by extra words. POINTS: "I love you so much", NO POINTS: "I think I love you" or "I am in love with you"	30
Winner!	Awarded to the last girl standing regardless of whether he proposes	30

4. Only the actual time something happens will count UNTIL...

5. Women Tell All episode AND the finale.  In both these episodes, any teasers, replays, reflections, etc. will count.

WINNER

1. Husband/Wife final pts will be added together after the final rose.

2. The winning COUPLE (total added points) will win $75 ($25 from each losing couple.

3. No prize for the individual winner